It's Friday! (Aug0312)

Ola all,

Jeepers, August already and the sport keeps getting better and better. Not only did the Sharks make it – almost miraculously – to the Super Rugby Final, but already South Africa has 3 Gold medals at the Olympics – one of them nogal for rowing!! Go Team RSA!!

Oh, unfortunately the Sharks victory on Saturday caused a bit of a housing crises in Cape Town as 2 million Stormers supporters suddenly came back to earth. We’re all behind the boys in Black & White though – it might be a hurdle too far, but they’ve pulled three rabbits out of a hat thus far, so I’m not giving up just yet. Go Sharks!!

Had a bit of a hair raising episode this week... actually there was a lot of hair going around… which would of course exclude me from any involvement in this particular incident… you’d think.

Judogirl wasn’t at the Olympics because she had to have her hair done. However, as she fears a hairdresser more than a drunk dentist, she dragged the wee ones along for moral support, distraction, and sommer to get their hair clipped too. Of course I saw this as an ideal opportunity to pull my usual “hair dresser stunt”… (it’s not that I have NO hair, but whenever I walk into a barber shop and ask for a haircut, it does cause a bit of confusion) *

So I walked into the hairdresser’s and said very calmly: “I need a haircut please.” (sniggering inside – you’re so funny waynnesworld)

When next I blinked I had a vague recollection of a swivel chair, a scissors and comb - zip-snip, zip-snip...

“That’ll be a R100, thank you very much!”

I looked 10 years younger and the world seemed less hazy.... she'd trimmed my eyebrows perfectly!!

Dunno why everybody was rolling on the floor laughing – it wasn’t THAT funny.

* If that didn’t make any sense, please read more about my particular theorem on hair migration at “There’s always something”

Anyhoo, this week it’s about living in South Africa, the customary Scots (and a few other blokes), and a piece involving Eistein – thanks for that Pastor Bob. Any other week and it would’ve been my pick!!

My pick of the week – courtesy of friend moonstone.

Please keep ‘em coming, and have a splendid weekend!

South Africa

I was going on holiday but was concerned about being away from my house for a fortnight, knowing I might be coming back to an empty shell. When I mentioned this to friend of mine he laughed.

“I don’t worry about stuff like that anymore. I've cancelled my armed response, torn out my alarm system and de-registered from the Neighbourhood Watch.”

I was astonished, “Why did you do that?”

“Ag, I've got the Vierkleur raised in my garden, a Blue Bulls flag draped in the window, a "God loves the AWB" sticker on my car and my sound system plays "De la Rey, De La Rey" at full blast. The local police, the Department of Home Affairs and the Hawks are all watching my house 24/7. I've never felt safer!”

Just another day in SA

A man with a gun went into a bank in Cape Town and demanded money. Once he was given the money, he turned to a customer and asked, “Did you see me rob this bank?”

The man replied, “Yes sir, I did.”

The robber then shot him in the temple, killing him instantly. He then turned to two people standing together right next to him and asked the man, “Did you see me rob this bank?”

The man replied, “No mister, I didn’t see a thing – but my mother-in-law here did!”

Of Scots (and a few other blokes…)

A Scotsman, an Irishman, a Lithuanian, 2 South Africans, a Latvian, a Turk, a German, an Indian, several Americans (including a Hawaiian and an Alaskan), an Argentinean, a Dane, an Australian, a Slovak, an Egyptian, a Japanese, a Moroccan, a Frenchman, a New Zealander, a Spaniard, a Russian, a Guatemalan, a Colombian, a Pakistani, a Malaysian, a Croatian, a Uzbek, a Cypriot, a Pole, a Lithuanian, a Chinese, a Sri Lankan, a Lebanese, a Cayman Islander, a Ugandan, a Vietnamese, a Korean, a Uruguayan, a Czech, an Icelander, a Mexican, a Finn, a Honduran, a Panamanian, an Andorran, an Israeli, a Venezuelan, an Iranian, a Fijian, a Peruvian, an Estonian, a Syrian, a Brazilian, a Portuguese, a Liechtensteiner, a Mongolian, a Hungarian, a Canadian, a Moldovan, a Haitian, a Norfolk Islander, a Macedonian, a Bolivian, a Cook Islander, a Tajikistani, a Samoan, an Armenian, an Englishman, an Aruban, an Albanian, a Greenlander, a Micronesian, a Virgin Islander, a Georgian, a Bahaman, a Belarusian, a Cuban, a Tongan, a Cambodian, a Canadian, a Qatari, an Azerbaijani, a Romanian, a Chilean, a Jamaican, a Filipino, a Ukrainian, a Dutchman, a Ecuadorian, a Costa Rican, a Swede, a Bulgarian, a Serb, a Swiss, a Greek, a Belgian, a Singaporean, an Italian, a Norwegian, a Nigerian, and 2 Welshman…

walk into a fine restaurant.

"I'm sorry," says the Maitre D’ after scrutinizing the group, “but you can't come in here without a Thai."

Brain vs Bean

Einstein and Mr Bean are sitting next to each other on a long flight.

Einstein says, "Let's play a game.”

Mr Bean looks around perturbed as only Mr Bean can.

Einstein continues, “We ask each other questions. If you don't know the answer, you pay me R50. If I don't know the answer, I’ll pay you R500."

Mr Bean's face goes "huhHH?"

So Einstein asks the first question: "What is the distance from the Earth to the Moon?"

Mr Bean doesn't say a word, reaches into his pocket and pulls out R50.

He then asks Einstein: "What goes up a hill with 3 legs… and comes down on 4?"

Einstein thinks about this for a while, scratching his hair. He scribbles various formulas and theorems, then searches the net and asks all his smart friends. After an hour he takes out his wallet and gives Mr Bean R500.

After a silent moment Einstein, going nuts asks: "Well, what goes up a hill with 3 legs and comes down with 4?”

Mr Bean thinks for a while, then reaches into his pocket and gives Einstein R50.

And my Pick of the Week:

A group of Grade 3, 4 and 5 pupils, accompanied by two female teachers, went on a field trip to the Greyville Racecourse to learn about thoroughbred race horses and the supporting industry, but mostly to see the horses.

When it was time to take the children to the 'bathroom', it was decided that the girls would go with one teacher and the boys would go with the other. The teacher assigned to the boys was waiting outside the men's toilet when one of the boys came out and told her that none of them could reach the urinal.

Having no choice, she went inside, helped the little boys with their pants, and began hoisting them up one by one, holding on to their 'wee-wees' to direct the flow away from their clothes.

As she lifted one, she couldn't help but notice that he was unusually well endowed. Trying not to show that she was staring the teacher said, 'You must be in Grade 5?'

'No', he replied. 'I'm riding Silver Arrow in the seventh race, but I appreciate your help.'