You ever hear a bird fart? You're not alone...
This little corner of cyberspace is dedicated to the random moments that enrich my life.
It's my life, my thoughts, and my take on every day occurences. I live it and like it.
Hope you enjoy it too - if not, have a Guinness: either way there's bound to be a smile on your face soon!
Spit happens hosts the literary component of the "waynnesworld" creative collective.
July 20, 2012
It's Friday! (Jul2012)
What a night! One of those where the wind was howling big time – it blew the stripes right off my pet Zebra. I can now confirm: male Zebras are indeed black with white stripes!
(waynnesworld….. somewhat humorous, very informative!)
Today it’s about the Olympics, the power of prayer, the customary shorts, and a few childish remarks. I add these snippets because I shared one with the Wee man the other day…
To appreciate the full flavour of the moment, it would really help if you have followed some of the rugby over the past weeks, and even more so if you are familiar with the whiskey advert running alongside these various matches… the one with Dougal the fly-fisherman…
It’s Saturday evening. Dad (that’s me) is watching a particularly do-or-die game where the Wee man’s Sharks need a victory against some Blue cow okes playing in pink (yeah, rugby can be confusing). Dad is sitting in a nervous huddle on the couch, chewing his nails and clutching at scatter cushions, spilling beer every time a decision goes against us. Wee man is equally enthralled in the spectacle… well actually he’s playing with his cars on the carpet, blissfully unaware of the drama unfolding on the big screen above his head.
The game is on a knife’s edge… then suddenly, against the run of play, the Sharks – in a moment of pure brilliance – snuffs the ball from the Bulls, runs the park with ball going hand to hand, ending in a spectacular try – one of the best for the entire season!!!
I’m jumping up and down, shouting at the top of my voice, cheering, wolf-whistling, waving my arms… you get the picture: “Go Shaaaaarks!!”
Wee man looks up lazily from his cars, totally unexcited, sees the close-up of the try scorer’s grass smeared face, and in his flattest, dead-pan voice says: “Give that man a Bells.”
I know, I know, you had to be there, but I was, and it was one of those moments I will cherish for EVER!
Hope you have a good one!!
First Olympic jokes:
It's 2012 and it's the Olympics in London. A guy walks towards the Olympic village carrying a long pole in a bag over his shoulder.
A typical inquisitive Limey taps him on the shoulder and says:
“Excuse me, but are you a pole vaulter?”
“No, I am hactually a Russian, but ghow did dju know my name vas Walter?”
(judogirl will NEVER get this one – I’m not even going to try…)
And of course there is a Scotsman, an Englishman and an Irishman who want to get in to watch the Games, but they haven't got tickets.
The Scotsman picks up a manhole cover, tucks it under his arm and walks to the gate: “MacGregor, Scotland, Discus" he says and walks in.
The Englishman picks up a length of thin pipe and slings it over his shoulder. "Waddington-Smith, England" he says, "Javelin" and in he walks.
The Irishman looks around and picks up a roll of barbed wire and tucks it under his arm.
"O'Malley, Ireland," he says, "Fencing."
Of prayer and faith:
In a recent church service in Bronkhorstspruit the other Sunday morning, a preacher said, "Anyone with 'special needs' who wants to be prayed over, please come to the front of the church."
With that, Dietmus got in line and when it was his turn the preacher asked, "Dietmus, what do you want me to pray about for you?"
Dietmus replied, "Preacher, I need you to pray for help with my hearing."
The preacher put one finger of one hand in Dietmus's ear, placed his other hand on top of Dietmus's head, and then prayed and prayed and the whole congregation joined in with much enthusiasm.
After a few minutes, the preacher removed his hands, stood back and asked,
"Dietmus how is your hearing now?"
Dietmus answered, "I don't know. My hearing is only next Thursday."
Slept like a log last night........ Woke up in the fireplace.
The other day I entered a competition and I won a year’s supply of Marmite. There it is… one jar.
I went to the Chinese restaurant and this duck came up to me with a red rose and says ''Your eyes sparkle like diamonds''. I said, ''Waiter, I asked for a-ROMATIC duck''
I went down the local supermarket, I said, ''I want to make a complaint, this vinegar's got lumps in it'', he said, "Those are pickled onions.''
The other day I bought a packet of peanuts, and on the packet it said ''may contain nuts.'' Well, YES! That's what I bought the buggers for! You'd be annoyed if you opened it and a socket set fell out!''