Today it’s mostly about golf – probably because I haven’t played any in about 3 months and I need a fix. Other than that, there’s not much to report. The contributions have dried up though, which makes me think most of you need to get out and golf too….. or does it mean you are? You lucky sods!
We’re all getting there…
A priest, a rabbi and a vicar walk into a bar. The barman says, ''Is this some kind of joke?''
I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day but I couldn't find any.
My mother-in-law fell down a wishing well. I was amazed… I never knew they worked.
I went to the doctors the other day and I said, 'Have you got anything for wind?' So he gave me a kite.
Gotta love the caddies:
Golfer: "I think I'm going to drown myself in the lake."
Caddy: "Think you can keep your head down that long, sir?"
Golfer: "I'd move heaven and earth to break 100 on this course."
Caddy: "Try heaven sir, you've already moved most of the earth."
Golfer: "Do you think my game is improving?"
Caddy: "Yes sir, you miss the ball much closer now."
Golfer: "Do you think I can get there with a 5 iron?"
Caddy: "Eventually, sir."
Golfer: "You've got to be the worst caddy in the world."
Caddy: "I don't think so sir. That would be too much of a coincidence."
Golfer: "How do you like my game?"
Caddy: "It's very good sir - but personally, I prefer golf."
Golfer: "Do you think it's a sin to play on Sunday?
Caddy: "I'm afraid the way you play sir, it's a sin on any day."
Golfer: "This is the worst golf course I've ever played on."
Caddy: "But this isn't the golf course sir . . . we left that an hour ago."
Golfer: "That can't be my ball, it's too old."
Caddy: "It's been a long time since we teed off, sir."
Pick of the week:
The golfer finally gives up and asks his long suffering caddy, "Can you see any obvious problems…?"
“Yip,” replied the caddy "there's a piece of shit on the end of your club."
The Golfer picks up his club and cleans the club face.
"No sir,” the caddie quips “it's at the other end."