August 24, 2012

It's Friday! (Aug2412)

Ola all,

Yip, it’s Friday and Peanut (a.k.a. Stella) turned 2 this week… which technically means that judogirl and I have now officially exited the baby phase of our life. Please take a quick cursory glance around you and touch ANYTHING made of wood – NOW!!!

Phew, thanks.

OK, so Stella turned two and curiosity seems to have doubled. She already knows more about judogirl’s ipad than judogirl does, and now also cooks her own chicken viennas in the microwave oven… I can but hope that the wee man assists or we may have another little house fire issue to explain…

This week therefore it is all about curiosity and Curiosity, a couple of shorts from the recent Edinburgh Festival, and something about old age (and beyond). The Irish come as standard.

Pic of the Week is with compliments from my friend Sharkbait – thanks dude, keep ‘em coming!

My mother-in-law is visiting this week…
A little girl asked her father, 'How did the human race appear?'
The father answered, 'God made Adam and Eve. They had children, and so was all mankind made.'
Later, the little girl asked her mother the same question.
The mother answered, 'Many years ago there were monkeys from which the human race evolved.'
The confused girl returned to her father and said, 'Dad, how is it possible that you told me the human race was created by God, and Mom said they developed from monkeys?'
The father answered, 'Well dear, it’s very simple. I told you about my side of the family. Your mother told you about hers.'

The shorts
I was raised as an only child… which really annoyed my sister.

You know you’re working class when your TV is bigger than your book case.

I’m good friends with 25 letters of the alphabet … I don’t know why.

I took part in the sun tanning Olympics… just got Bronze.

I saw a documentary on how ships are kept together. Riveting!

My mum’s so pessimistic that if there was an Olympics for pessimism, she wouldn’t fancy her chances.

Up the Irish
Superior Milk
In a convent in Ireland, the 98-year old Mother Superior lay dying. The nuns gathered around her bed trying to make her last journey comfortable. They tried giving her warm milk to drink but she refused it. One of the nuns took the glass back to the kitchen. Then, remembering a bottle of Irish Whiskey that had been received as a gift the previous Christmas, she opened it and poured a generous amount into the warm milk.
Back at Mother Superior's bed, they held the glass to her lips. The frail nun drank a little, then a little more and before they knew it, she had finished the whole glass down to the last drop.
As her eyes brightened, the nuns thought it would be a good opportunity to have one last talk with their spiritual leader.
"Mother," the nuns asked earnestly, "Please give us some of your wisdom before you leave us."
She raised herself up in bed on one elbow, looked at them and said:

Paddy visits New York
Paddy was patiently waiting and watching the traffic cop on a busy street crossing. The cop stopped the flow of traffic and shouted, 'Okay, pedestrians!'
Then he'd allow the traffic to pass.
He did this several times but Paddy still stood on the sidewalk.
After the cop had shouted, 'Pedestrians!' for the tenth time, Paddy went over to him and said, 'Is it not about time ye let the Catholics across?'

Another Miracle
An Irish priest is driving to New York and gets stopped for speeding in Connecticut. The state trooper smells alcohol on the priest's breath and then sees an empty wine bottle on the floor of the car.
He says, 'Sir, have you been drinking?'
'Just water,' says the priest.
The trooper says, 'Then why do I smell wine?'
The priest looks at the bottle and says, 'Good Lord, He's done it again!'

These could be my parents…
Bert feared his wife Peg wasn't hearing as well as she used to and he thought she might need a hearing aid. Not quite sure how to approach her, he called the family Doctor to discuss the problem.
The Doctor told him there is a simple informal test the husband could perform to give the Doctor a better idea about her hearing loss.
'Here's what you do,' said the Doctor, 'stand about 30 feet away from her, and in a normal conversational speaking tone see if she hears you. If not, go to 20 feet, then 10 feet, and so on until you get a response.'
That evening, Peg’s in the kitchen cooking dinner, and he's in the den. He thinks to himself, 'I'm about 30 feet away, let's see what happens.' Then in a normal tone he asks, 'Honey, what's for dinner?'
No response.
So he moves closer to the kitchen, about 20 feet away and repeats, 'Peg, what's for dinner?'
Still no response.
So, he walks up to the kitchen door, about 10 feet away. 'Honey, what's for dinner?'
Again there is no response.
So he walks right up behind her. 'Peg, what's for dinner?'
'For heaven’s sake Bert, for the FOURTH time: CHICKEN!'

A Cowboy's Tombstone
Here are the 5 Rules for men to follow for a happy life… Russell J. Larsen had these inscribed on his headstone in Logan, Utah. He died not knowing that he won the 'Coolest Headstone' contest:

1. It's important to have a woman who helps at home, cooks, cleans up, and has a job.

2. It's important to have a woman who can make you laugh.

3. It's important to have a woman who you can trust, and doesn't lie to you.

4. It's important to have a woman who is good in bed, and likes to be with you.

5. It's very, very important that these four women should never meet, or you could end up dead like me.

Pick of the Week
This week’s Pic of the Week is a radical change to my normal postings in this section. It’s not really funny, but 4 spectacular images of Mars captured by NASA’s robot Curiosity. I can however tell you that these early pictures show no signs of ESPN, beer, or porn. This makes it very clear that, indeed, men are NOT from Mars!


1 comment:

  1. Nice one WaynnesWorld! And thanks for the birthday wishes!