June 08, 2012

It's Friday! (Jun0812)

Ola all,

My exams are over – for now. Which means I have to start doing some work again. Should be a nice change… Last time I had to study so much was for my pilot’s license. We were living in Canada at the time and I remember walking past a parked car in Toronto: it had a bumper sticker on it that read “I miss South Africa”. So I smashed the window, took the radio and left a note that read, “I hope this helps”.
Eish, when you’re away from everything and everyone you know, you gotta do what you can to help, eh?
Have a lekker weekend!

Mick, from Dublin, appeared on 'Who Wants To Be A Millionaire' and towards the end of the program had already won 500,000 pounds.
"You've done very well so far," said Chris Tarrant, the show's presenter, "but for a million pounds you've only got one life-line left: phone a friend. Everything is riding on this question… will you go for it?"
"Sure," said Mick. "I'll have a go!"
"Which of the following birds does NOT build its own nest?
a) Sparrow
b) Thrush,
c) Magpie,
d) Cuckoo"

"I haven't got a clue." said Mick, ''so I'll use last lifeline and phone my friend Paddy back home in Dublin."
Mick called up his mate, and told him the circumstances and repeated the question to him.
"Fookin hell, Mick!" cried Paddy. "Dat's simple... it's a cuckoo."
"Are you sure?"
"I'm fookin sure."
Mick hung up the phone and told Chris, "I'll go wit cuckoo as my answer."
"Is that your final answer?" asked Chris.
"Dat it is, Sir."
There was a long - long pause, and then the presenter screamed, "Cuckoo is the correct answer! Mick, you've won 1 million pounds!"
The next night, Mick invited Paddy to their local pub to buy him a drink.
"Tell me Paddy, how in heaven's name did you know it was da cuckoo that doesn't build its own nest?"
"Because he lives in a fookin’ clock, din he!"

A little boy goes to his dad and asks, 'What is Politics?'
Dad says, 'Well son, let me try to explain it this way:
I am the head of the family, so call me The Prime Minister. Your mother is the administrator of the money, so we call her the Government. We are here to take care of your needs, so we will call you the People. The nanny, we will consider her the Working Class. And your baby brother, we will call him the Future. Now think about that and see if it makes sense.'
So the little boy goes off to bed thinking about what Dad has said. Later that night, he hears his baby brother crying, so he gets up to check on him. He finds that the baby has severely soiled his nappy. So the little boy goes to his parent's room and finds his mother asleep. Not wanting to wake her, he goes to the nanny's room. Finding the door locked, he peeks in the keyhole and sees his father in bed with the nanny… He gives up and goes back to bed.
The next morning, the little boy say's to his father, 'Dad, I think I understand the concept of politics now.’
The father says, 'Good, son, tell me in your own words what you think politics is all about.'
The little boy replies, 'The Prime Minister is screwing the Working Class while the Government is sound asleep. The People are being ignored and the Future is in deep shit.

And my pick of the week (thanks staminos):
A man returns home a day early from a business trip. It's after midnight. While en route home, he asks the cabby if he would be a witness.
The man suspects his wife is having an affair, and he wants to catch her in the act. For R100, the cabby agrees. Quietly arriving home, the husband and cabby tip toe into the bedroom. The husband switches on the lights, yanks the blanket back and there is his wife in bed with another man!
The husband puts a gun to the naked man's head.
The wife shouts, 'Don't do it! I lied when I told you I inherited money
HE paid for the Porsche I gave you.
HE paid for our new cabin cruiser.
HE paid for your season rugby tickets.
HE paid for our house at the lake.
HE paid for your African tour and 4x4.
HE paid for our country club membership, and HE even pays the monthly dues!'
Shaking his head from side-to-side, the husband lowers the gun. He looks over at the cabby and says, 'What would you do?
The cabby replies, 'I'd cover him with that blanket before he catches a cold.'

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