December 07, 2012
OK, it’s Friday and by the time you read this I’ve probably got my shoes off, drinking beer, waiting for the barefoot cook to bring me my lunch. No, that is not another name for judogirl or my mother, although…. yeah, let’s not go there: judogirl reads this stuff nowadays and she’s faster than me.
It’s silly season and I’m breaking bread with the rest of the office. The cook is really barefoot. Cool.
Well, the biggest thing you may have missed last week was the last view of the moustache… well, technically you could check out last week’s post and miraculously it’ll still be there… (the picture, not the moustache… but you knew that… ). Yip, the mo was officially retired for the year. It was quite the ceremony. Clippers buzzing, hair flying, judogirl dancing… and hey, we found both Jimmy Hoffa AND Amelia Earhart in the process - jackpot!!
The one surprising thing that came out of the whole exercise is the reaction of the ladies to the whole mo shebang…: gents, if you didn’t go mo, you just wouldn’t know! (poet, know it - n’all that jazz)
On the same day the Poms absolutely clobbered the All Blacks in what can only be described as “stunning” fashion. Stunning, not in as a “wow, isn’t that fabulous!” kinda way, but rather a “WTF just happened?” kinda way. I’m sure the Kiwis are still trying to figure that out. Well done England (you have absolutely NO idea how hard that is to say without spitting on the ground)! To New Zealand – what a run! 10 years without a loss in the UK, and 20 matches without a defeat… until Saturday that is. The REALLY good thing though is that the Boks didn’t play the Poms on that Go-Mo-day, ‘cause I fear it could’ve gone very much the same way for us. But it didn’t – we beat them hands down: Go BOKKE!!
And of course I was forced to watch some Aussie sport: cricket actually. And did the Aussies wallop those Proteas? No, they didn’t. They actually got their behinds handed to them on a very dusty plate – exactly the way it should be! Great effort Gary and the Boys – worthy of that #1 spot in the world!!
And then of course there was the kids’ Christmas do at the school the other evening: we were all VERY excited as Santa Clause was visiting!! I thought it strange that he would come this early, but judogirl explained everything to me. Wee man and I just couldn’t contain ourselves; Peanut had no clue, she was just happy because there were swings!
The teachers had the poor kids singing songs but wee man, true to form, just mimed and snapped his fingers while he and I kept our eyes peeled for any signs of the fat man. Judogirl told him he was going to get a present for sleeping in his own bed for a whole week (yeah, I STILL get relegated to the couch or spare room on many nights by the kung-fu kids – yes, even while they sleep!). He managed it! And I am proud to say the logical-reasoning-gene is healthy and strong in that one: “Dad, I think you’re getting a present ‘cause you slept in your own bed too,” he exclaimed.
True as eggnog, Santa eventually arrived…
I must admit I did feel sorry for the bloke – he’s not looking himself this year. Me thinks the global recession has even hit the North pole... Santa’s lost weight. Lots of weight. And he’s shorter somehow. And his laugh is raspy: none of that jolly Ho-Ho-Ho stuff… it was more of a hee-hee-howzit-dude kinda thing… AND he didn’t bring me anything!
I’ve told judogirl we’re leaving a BIG BOX of cookies under our tree when he comes back later this month. And a chocolate. Maybe even a pack of biltong – although the Reindeer could frown upon that... Judogirl patted my hand softly and asked me not to speak to any of the other parents… think she thought the emotion would overcome me… bless her. But the poor bloke…
Anyway, apart from that all I can report is that I need to get to that lunch now. Thanks to the contributors....... the very FEW contributors this week. It's about kids (again), a couple of gals working, lawyers and our millionaires joking. Something of equine nature and why parents shouldn't text. My pick of the week focuses on wisdom and words to live by.
Hope you have a grand week - we'll chat again next week!
Kids and Religion
The children were lined up in the cafeteria of a Catholic elementary school for lunch. At the head of the table was a large pile of apples. The nun made a note, and posted on the apple tray: "Take only ONE. God is watching."
Moving further along the lunch line, at the other end of the table was a large pile of chocolate chip cookies. A child had written a note, "Take all you want. God is watching the apples."
Lawyers... we all know one
The two partners from a small law firm were having lunch when suddenly one of them looked alarmed.
He announced, "I have to go back to the office right away! I forgot to lock the safe!"
"What are you worried about?" asked the other. "We're both here."
Women in construction
A blonde, a brunette, and a redhead all work for a construction crew. One day, they were on their lunch break, sitting on a beam thirty stories high.
“I dread lunch!” said the blonde. “Do you know I’ve had to endure exactly the same lunch every day for the last 6 months? It’s infuriating!”
“Me too!” wailed the redhead. “I can’t stand another day of facing a peanut butter and jam sandwich!”
“Wow, I agree – I just can’t stand facing the same lunch. Aaargh!” exclaimed the brunette.
They agreed if they opened their lunchboxes and found the same lunch, they would all hurl themselves off the beam (as girls do...)
The next day, the police are investigating the scene where the three women fell. When the police told the husbands the reason for their wives throwing themselves to their death, the brunette and the redhead's husbands both said, "If I had known, I would have given her something different."
The blonde's husband said, "Don't look at me, she packed her own lunch."
Man who sit on tack get point!
Man with hand in pocket feel cocky all day.
He who put face in punch bowl, get punch in nose.
Butcher who back into meat-grinder, get a little behind in his orders.
Why parents shouldn’t text
It’s different when uber-millionaires joke…
Pick of the Week
My husband and I divorced over religious differences. He thought he was God and I didn't.
I don't suffer from insanity; I enjoy every minute of it.
I used to have a handle on life, but it broke.
Don't take life too seriously; No one gets out alive.
You're just jealous because the voices only talk to me
Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder.
Earth is the insane asylum for the universe.
I'm not a complete idiot -- Some parts are just missing.
Out of my mind. Back in five minutes.
NyQuil: the stuffy, sneezy, why-the-heck-is-the-room-spinning medicine.
God must love stupid people – He made so many.
The gene pool could use a little chlorine.
Consciousness: that annoying time between naps.
Ever stop to think, and forget to start again?
Being 'over the hill' is much better than being under it!
Wrinkled Was Not One of the Things I Wanted to Be When I Grew up.
I Have a Degree in Liberal Arts; Do You Want Fries With That?
A hangover is the wrath of grapes.
A journey of a thousand miles begins with a cash advance.
Stupidity is not a handicap. Park elsewhere!
They call it PMS because Mad Cow Disease was already taken.
He who dies with the most toys is nonetheless DEAD.
A picture is worth a thousand words, but it uses up three thousand times the memory.
Ham and eggs... A day's work for a chicken, a lifetime commitment for a pig.
The trouble with life is there's no background music.
The original point and click interface was a Smith & Wesson.
I smile because I don't know what the hell is going on.